hello i am going to write a little something today this is for a project that I am makeing about the projection of my conscioussness right now I am mostly ythinking about the keys tha ai am typing mkaing sure they are nice and orderly but i feel as though that is not working. LatelyI have worked really hard and most days I find myself just wanting to lay in bed and sleep, but I also aam having weord dreams. the one dream I had I was pregnant like really pregenant about to expode pregenant and I was in a hospital i think it mwasnt much of a hospital as much a it just a small room with a gurney anyways I wa preganant me someone who cant imageine a child or at least I thought. I t was more of a nightmare than anthging else i should probably clean my room when I get home I am bot home right now I am just typing things wI just got a notification on my phtone it says a friens.someone I want to high school with" just liked a photo on instagram it was probably one from my post today i feel much cooler online than in person because I feeling like I have a tick or i make fun of myself make afool of myself most of the time its weird when I need to tjink of things to say I dont have anything to say at all yet whrn I have nothoing to sah i just babble on. Babble makes me think of this one song its a rap song i liked in highschool the other night I was listening to bjorj in mk room it was 3am ans yes it was lonely hahaha that was a rob thomas joke now i cnant thonk of what to say maybe my mind is filled with nothing ness and i force my self to think so i can feel more human i am not sure its like say which came first the chicken or the egg some night i stauy up rally late like really late people go ""I am tired i went to bed a t 11 pm woe GOD fFOR YOU i ha went to bed at 4am lately I walk arounf if i dont have headpghones in I start to day dream and ill make wierd faces and think of things that havent happened yet one day i was comeing down the stairs (orwas it up?) and i didnt think I was me I didnt think I was myself I felt out of body but it wasnt an out of body experience those tend to be filled with posititive connotations this experience happens for a only a second or less than a seconf and it fells like im AM JUST all BODY notheign else see I just makde thar caos pn purpose because I thought it would be cool to have some variation in the text i remevber tthis this just like when I start drinking everything feels great but i begin to think if everyone else is at the stage of drunk I am because i eithter feel like I am beligereny or just normal and everyone else is going mad i tend to think thi s everytime a foriegn substance has entered my body mI just broke one of my rules I liike looked at myphone i got a messgae from twitter yes thee twitter then always have messages po[p up on what person liked whta or what group of folloewers retweeed what this is ckinda like twitter adn in a whay i think people ;like me people of my generation need things like twitter and instagram an deverything becaus we kind ourselves so disconnectecd from every other age group. Thats why I hate when people say out generation is narcissitic vain spoiled like you did any better like you helped pave the way for our genereation to live the same way you do like you has not contributed in some way to the evolution of our youth this is why i havte old people i shouldnt say hate my mom saod never to hate because it is the stronfest of words but truly they have no clue what ethey are doing and really neither do i . i t feels as though ive been typing forveer and it just never ends mAYBE i can call this my MANIFESTO the manifesto of a young woman because every goddamn manifestp feels like it wasd written by some guy with anger in his heart. I am not an angry person maybe a little minute details make me upset but unly temporarily oi can never sustain anger as an emotion it feels like so much wor. its almost easier to not care at all i looed up at the ceiling just nit it felt good on my eyees this is really starinting my eyes and though i am suppose to wear glasses i hate how i look with them on i looke like a 10 yo child i really just want to be done with this i feel an ache in m y ear coming on and I feel as though its from the constant sound of the my fingers on the keeyboard which sound like chickens scrating pavement but i actually dont know what that sounds liuje. Its so hot in here I cant take its liek a sauna and im swaeating i sweat so easily but a lot of people dont k i wevent sweat when very very good looking people come up and talk to me honestly tgis isnt going as planned all that is coming to my mind are completelty superficual things like sweating around good looking pwople but when it comes down to it I am not6 trying to reinveny the world or make significant change i just exist and though i can think much more philosphically, i dont want to righ now. Its not my duty to righ tnoe my job is to elaborsate whats on mt mind the best i canand maybe this isnt worjinf out as just typing my fingers are not fast enought to type every little moment or shift in thought i need soemthing better in order to do that but right now i am just woman and mind and key board and sweat and tired i am still tired very tired ,like i was as a child. I never wanted to play outside because i was weak little child and i rather be inside. i remeber this one time i felt really upset as a kid because evrtone in suburbia would hang out and i was with older kids *(older guys_ and they began to make fun of me i was mas but then i threw a chair ag ghem they actually got scared and said sorry and i just thought it was funny how this tough older boys could be reduced by a little girl. i should jsut throught chairs to get what i want.